Every day, no matter what, is what I say!

One day, I was really frustrated. I had been home from my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a year or so, was attending my first semester at Brigham Young University, and was enrolled in three religion courses. So, as you can imagine, I had a lot of homework related to scripture study. In fact, most my homework was studying scriptures. I had never studied the scriptures so much in my life, not even on my mission.

So, why was I frustrated? Well, I'll tell you. I think that I thought I deserved more than I was getting. Not scripture study, but spiritual experiences. I thought, "if I'm reading the scriptures this much, I should be having big spiritual experiences every day, at the very least." I felt somewhat embarrassed that I wasn't having a big spiritual experience every time I was reading the scriptures, like I wasn't worthy to be receiving spiritual experience or something, cause for how much I was reading, I should be constantly having a burning in my bosom, or the still small voice telling me to do something, or....something. My supposed lack of having big spiritual experiences made me feel very anxious. Not something I would've ever admitted at the time, but I was concerned about me and if something was wrong with me, if God didn't love me, or if I wasn't worthy, or...I don't know, but, it weighed on my conscience pretty heavily.

Luckily, I HAD to continue reading (I would've failed my classes if I didn't), because my disillusionment with not having MY IDEA of spiritual experiences was making me feel like not reading anymore.

Amid all my anxiousness, in my continual reading that semester, I found a scripture that changed my life. It was a scripture that I had read HUNDREDS of times before in my life, but this time it meant way more to me (little did I know, I was having a big spiritual experience in that moment.) The scripture is Alma 32:40, which reads, "And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life."

A pretty simple scripture, right? Well, not for me on that day. The realization that came, brought humility and gratitude for an all-knowing Heavenly Father who has created this world exactly to the specifications so that his children can truly progress as spiritual beings. I had been so worried about feeling a spiritual experience and proving to myself that I was okay or that Heavenly Father really was there, that I had been overlooking what I was to be doing. I needed to be nourishing the word with an eye of faith. Not worrying about whether I was having spiritual experiences or not. Verse 42 says, "And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck of the fruit thereof..."

So, from that day forward, I made a promise that I would focus, not on the results of my scripture study, but on the process. Reading scriptures would not be contingent on whether I had a huge spiritual experience or not, but upon my faith and my eye of faith (eye of faith, to me, denotes looking forward with faith) and my diligence and my patience. I would, no matter what, study my scriptures every day and not question when and how often I had spiritual experiences, but just do my part and show Heavenly Father my dedication to His suggestion of just jumping in to the scriptures and being diligent and patient for my spiritual experiences.

And you know what, as soon as I stopped worrying about what was wrong with me and rather started focusing on the scriptures and faithfully putting in face time with the word, I started to recognize the simple promptings of the spirit in my life and in my scripture study. Now, I still didn't have big spiritual experiences everyday, but, I continued to read, no matter if I did or not, because I wanted to show Heavenly Father my diligence and patience with the word. I stopped trying to control when I was going to have a spiritual experience and I was able to calm down and let spiritual experiences come naturally and in the time table of the Lord. And to this day, eight years later, I rarely miss a day of scripture study. I have made it a habit and a personal goal of mine every since that day, to NO MATTER WHAT, read scriptures every day. And that daily communication with God has made all the difference. Everyday isn't perfect scripture study, but I know that if I "nourish the word...with an eye of faith" that I will be blessed with spiritual experiences when Heavenly Father knows I need them. And, in my mind, those simple spiritual experiences, (feeling happy, confident, the desire to repent, the desire to serve, the desire to smile, the desire to be a better person, etc., see Galatians 5:22-23) are a part of the "fruit of the tree of life."

That day, I marked my scriptures next to the verse in Alma, "read my scriptures with faith-don't worry." Today that stands as a reminder of the spiritual experience I had and continue to have with continual, diligent, and patient scripture study.

So, to you, my reader, whoever you may be, I am going to share my feelings from reading the Holy Scriptures. I will be reading everyday, but I won't be posting everyday! Haha.